Such a Life: Chair

To think in such a place, I had no idea
my desk chair could do this. You know there are certain objects in this world
that by looking at them a reasonable person would have no idea what it is, or
how to use it. Like this object, is it used for torture at the Camp Lemonnier
secret CIA black site in Djibouti, or is it a German pastry roller known as a
baccarat in volts? Or this thing is it a sugar devil fruit auger used at the
general store to loosen sugar or dry fruit in a barrel or is it a Klingon
hand combat battle-ax? You just can’t tell by looking at it. But when you first
arrived in your residence hall on Move-In Day you saw this item and you
thought I got this I know exactly what this is and I know how to use it. It’s
just a standard-issue residence hall chair, until you realize you had no clue.
In fact, experts estimate that as many as 45% of Miami students have no clue
what this chair can do. Which is why Miami starts to get maintenance work
orders from students who think they’ve broken their desk chairs. People it
separates! It’s supposed to separate, like the parts of a lego figure, like the
saucer section on the Starship Enterprise, like the top and bottom of an
Oreo cookie. Don’t submit a work order, it’s not broken! Your desk chair is
supposed to separate if you want it to. It’s a Solder Tray 731 Ergonomic task
and gaming chair. You can use it as the name suggests for playing video games, for playing monopoly or taboo with your friends, you can even use it for the less
common but still wholesome seance to resurrect Helen. Just gently pull the
white handle on the backside of the chair to separate the top from the base.
To reconnect it just click the top back into place. It’s really simple as you can
see in this video provided by the manufacturer. In spite of the 70s porn music, that does
a good job of showing you the many possibilities, well except for this one. I
don’t know about you but I don’t smile like that when I’m studying and I don’t
get the whole sidesaddle leaning half your ass on the seat position she’s got
going on here. Now some of you are surely saying I don’t really care that my desk
chair separates, of all the furniture features you could have gotten from my
residence hall I would have preferred a Batmobile bed or a skylight. So no thanks
I’ll keep my chair together and that’s fine. We just wanted to make sure you
knew about this option. We’d hate for you to be the person who never knew that the
little arrow on your car’s fuel gauge tells you which side of the car the gas
tank filler is on, or the guy who walks home from Kroger all year long before he
realizes that the U3 would have taken him right to his residence hall. We
just wanted you to know, and by the way yes it’s a sugar devil, also known as a
fruit auger used to break up dry fruit in old time General Stores.
Very interesting. For Such a Life I’m Ben Negatu and for more such a life go to and search for “Residence Life at Miami University.”

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