Happy Wheels – Part 1 | THIS GAME IS MY BITCH

Happy Wheels – Part 1 | THIS GAME IS MY BITCH


Top o’ the mornin’ to ya, laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and WELCOME TO HAPPY WHEELS! Yeah! I finally got around to playing it, I have never once played Happy Wheels before in my life. Ever! Seriously! I’ve NEVER played it, I’ve never even TRIED to play it, But I have seen a lot of videos of it, and I know what kind of game it is and I know what it’s all about… Uh, but this is a game that I’ve– I’ve wanted to play for a while–I’ve wanted to put up on the channel for a while, but–I don’t know why I kept putting it off but here I am now! Let’s go play okay– I’m gonna go to the user created levels because those are apparently the BEEST… Uh BMX stunt, right off that bat. That’s what caught my eye. I have absolutely no idea how to play this game. Oh my God! Ahhh.. I can do it, I can do it! Oh, I can’t do it, oh! Just— keep going! This seems rather easy, s-should something not be trying to kill me? Oh God… Oh God! This is trying to kill me- OH NO! OH NO LITTLE BILLY! (you won’t love him for long) Oh Billy nohoho… Oh I lost… I lost my little boy. Backflips! Backflips like a BOSS! Okay, your head kind of went into the wheel there for a second… GO GO!!! He’s pedalin’ like a muhfuckah *Stunned silence* What-what the? YEAH! Finished it first try, didn’t even die! First time to ever play Happy Wheels LIKE A BOSS! I’ll go with Billy and Bobby on the bike again… “Another 10 Ways To Die” I still don’t know what the first ones were! O-Oh my God! I’M SORRY! THE GAME MADE ME DO IT! That was… That was awesome… But it was so bad! “Super Impossible”? Well we’ll just see about that now, shall we? Agh! I don’t know how to pogo! I don’t know how to pogo! How do- How do I pogo? How do- How do I- How do I- Ah! There we go! That’s- *interrupted by Jack breaking a game… Again…* Oh my God… Oh my God I might just actually have like, broken the game… Oh, oh, nope there you go! How do I…? AH! GET OVER IT! Uh… I’m ins-YEAHHHHH! YEAHHHHH! FUCK YOU GAME! I BROKE YOUR SHIT AND I WON! “Super Impossible” my a-hole! Okay here we go, oh oh nupe nupe, OH! OH MY GOD! YOUR LEGS CAME OFF! OH!!! *scared noises* I’M SO SORRY! It’s probably because you’re fat and you can’t fit down between them! Blame you, bitch. Oh, oh, oh so good, oh so good! AAAAAHHHH! NOT SO GOOD! Oh… I made it down… But just in several hundred pieces… I will not be bested by this. Oh, too fast! *noises of disgust* Just like this… blap OH MY ASS! Ohohohohoh… Ohh I did it again, I’m sorry Betty-AAAH! It’s cause you have big fat tits! Okay, no you’re fine, you’re fine, Betty, YOU’RE FINE! YEAH! YEAHHHHH! THAT’S HOW WE ROLL! Naked girl? And it’s in capital letters, you know it’s good. Oh… Rate five coin things… Five Egyptian hieroglyphics… And she will spawn naked and sucking your private… I’m going backwards, I’m going towards the secret. *yet another quiet gasp* YOU DICK! LOOK AT BILLY! LOOK AT BILLY YOU PINNED HIM TO THE WALL! Bobby’s got bolts (you mean harpoons?) up his ass… Oh, I’m gonna kill this bitch. DIE! Yeah. *jackigiggles* There’s someone sitting on the toilet back there. Oh! Oh Billy, your arm! It’s okay, you didn’t need them anyway, you were going to be a soccer player, not a baseball player! Walalalalala Ahhh… Do it! YEAH! BACKFLIPS! I don’t think I was supposed to be out there… Okay! Next level! *mcjack is not lovin’ it* (When you gross the fuck out of Jack, he looks like this.) Oh, it’s like soil and green! Oh! How the-How the hell do I get into the box? *chicken jackaboy* AH NO! *DEAD* Oh… Sorry-Sorry Bobby… Billy. Which one are you? Bobby. You’re Bobby. Can I like, grab with my hands or something? Nope! Ah! How do I… How do I… How do I… 🎶 How do I live… Without you… 🎶 Do the worm! Breakdancin’ Billy! Bobby… Ah! Oh I CAN grab! Space is to grab! This changes the rules of everything! *training for abs of steel* *panting after that hard workout* *now he’s just making sounds XD* Everyone do the Magikarp! Everyone do the Magikarp! Ooh… We could be in a great position here… Flop those arms, little Billy-Bobby… YE-HA-HA-HA-AH! YEAH! That is how you make this game your BITCH! What the hell is a sword throw? That sounds amazing! It is gonn- Ohh~ *Slightly worried laughther* Lemme just get that sword out of your crotch. *grunting noises* My arm came off! You have one powerful crotch! (Daaaamn! XD) *Exaggerated throwing sounds* How are you missing everything?! I can’t even grab the sword anymore- Okay. Grab it! Got Santa, in the belly, yeah slow-motion! *Slow “bwaaaah”* How do I get the fuckers behind me? Uhh~. Like that! Oh, that was the best one! *Laughing* He can’t fit into- He can’t fit into the canon! I got them all! I did it! I win! I win the game Dude is still blowing up in the background “99.9999% Impossible” *Strange accent* “EMPOISIBERLEH?” I fucking doubt it! Jacksep- *Interrupted by explosion* I didn’t even get to finish my name! *High pitched* How the-! How in the holy balls are you supposed to do THAT?! Ye-ha-heah! Suck on that, game! OOH YOU ASS! “Obstacle course by Akhilito99” Woo-hoo! Party over here! Ooh yeah. Uh, like a boss! Like all the bosses that ever were *Worried* Woo-ho. Uhh~ Have some- Have some respect. I have a kid on board! ♪”Baby on board, something something”♪ (Nevermind) *Deep breath* No baby on board anymore, I don’t even have legs! It’s okay, you still have a face, that is all you need Nnnnnnnnnoooo… Let’s do it, Billy! Woah! Billy, I saved you! Aah! We gotta get outta this, Billy! OH-HO-HO-HO NO! I’m still good, right? Right? x1 Right? x2 Right? x3 Right? x4 (WRONG) No… Oh Billy, nooo! YEAH! Yeaahh~! Suck it, game! 18+ sword throw? Fuck yeah I am an 18+’er. I am all the adult (My eyes! MY EYES!!!) *Nervous laughter* Uh okay, block your eyes Shield your eyes everybody! Don’t look! *Smooth music. ♪Oh yeah, baby, baby♪* *Smooth music. ♪Oh yeah, baby, baby♪* (Who’s getting the presents now?) Oh, I can actually sword throw these guys Stop having sex! *Gasp* Look where I got him! (M-m-m-m-MONSTERKILL!!!) Look where I got him, right in the neck! He’s still having sex though… STOP IT!! I hit the suicide button. At least it sounds like they’re having fun. *Weird accent* I’m a dinosaur (Dinosaur Count: 1) I’m a dinosaur (Dinosaur Count: 2) Brring I’m a dinosaur! (Dinosaur Count: 3) DIE x1 DIE x2 I’m a dinosaur! (Dinosaur Count: 4) Don’t you know who I am? Oh, Mr. Axe Man. Hello! Outta my way! Ge-ge-ge-ge! Ge-ge-ge-ge! AH DIE EVERYBODY! Oh your head came off! Just like I planned! I’m a dinosaur! (Dinosaur Count: 5) Get outta the way! I am a close relative of Bernie.(Dinosaur Count… 6?) Bernie is my friend. Best music ever! I feel so accomplished Wa! Uh! Ah! I’m not even grabbing balls now. Ha-ha, that’s what she said You see wassup? Do you see wassup? When Jacksepticeye get’s in to play a game, it’s just instant win all around! I fucking win at life! *WTF AM I WATCHING* Es-capé! I’ll escape. I’ll escape real good *Mumbeling* Oh! I can escape! Yeah! YEAH!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?! You thought you had me bested, game! You said, “You know what, Jack? I’m gonna put you in a situation you can’t get out of!” “NOBODY can get out of this situtation!” And Jack came in and he said, “You know what?!” “What’s up?!?” BOOM! Finished the level in fucking 7.6 SECONDS! (its 7.06 seconds) ASSASSIN HUSBAND I’m not a husband yet… …but if I was, I would be an assassin kind! … Oh, hey! (silly laughter) I think they call this position… T​‌HE BACKWARDS RODEO DILDO BRIGADE AH, NO! I FOR- I missed the axe again! *groans in agony* (in Crocker accent) I sorry wife! I really wanted to kill your friend. (it sounds like Crocker to me) You cheating on me? DAH! Take that knees to the face! Yeah, take that! I’m gonna take your champagne, and I’m gonna break it off the table, and POP YOUR HEAD OFF!! Yeah, you try to sleep with my WIFE?! Take that Billy, you little BITCH! YEAH I GOT IT!!! Gah-hah! GOD!!! I got the axe, and I’m the only one who lost an arm?! That is BULLSHIT! *scream, jackaboy, scream* Yeah, take that! SUPER MAN HUG! Suplex! YEAH I PUMPED YOUR HEAD OFF! You like that, bitch? You like that? HUH? HUH? x2 HUH? x3 This is my head dance! This is how I party with your head, look! *damn fine music* UGH! Gonna hump your head! *grunting* Yeah, it feels so good! Do you like that?! HUH? x4 HUH? x5 DO YA? DO YA??? Well, that’s the end of my Happy Wheels adventures! This game is awesome! This game was designed for me. This fits my style of… commentary PERFECTLY. But, I hoped you guys liked this! I put it up on Facebook a while ago that I- I was thinking about playing it and a lot of you guys commented on it, a lot more than the comments that I usually get, saying: “yeah jack!” “GO for it!” “play it jack” “DO IT” “It’ll be really good!” So… I hope I did the game justice, but THANK YOU GUYS so much for watching this video! If you liked it, punch that like button UP! THE ASS! LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all around! *whoops* *whoops* Well, thank you guys and I will SEE ALL YOU DUDES… IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!!!

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