Dr Grordbort presents: the Deadliest Game

Dr Grordbort presents: the Deadliest Game


MAIN TITLE His Majesty’s Society for the Study
of Off-World Species prides itself… …on the thoroughness
of its expeditions. As a co-founding member,
it has been my rare pleasure… …to lead several of these
fact-finding missions. I’m actually surprised it’s taken The Earth
Standard this long to cover our activities. Well, there was a war on. I’d hardly call that skirmish
on Phobos a war. -You see, Miss Middlesworth–
-It’s Ms. Ms. Millicent Middlesworth. Or, you’re more than welcome
to call me Millicent, Lord Broadforce. BROADFORCE:
You see, Miss Middlesworth…. Wars don’t make men great.
Men make wars great. That’s how it was in my day,
up close and personal. Just me and my
Saturn 67 Luminiferous Aether Igniter… …and the smell of blood in my nostrils. You fought in the Venusian Wars,
didn’t you? Indeed, I did. Bagged over 20,000
Venusian doomsquad troopers… -…on my own.
MILLICENT: By “doomsquad troopers”… …don’t you mean “unarmed villagers”? Precisely, it’s when they’re unarmed that
they’re at their most dangerous, missy… …by Jove. They weren’t doomsquad troopers,
they were villagers. Yes, they lived in a village. Even
doomsquad troopers live somewhere. -Yes, but–
-Right here, Caruthers! CARUTHERS:
Oh, right you are, sir. Take a look over there, Miss Missy. Isn’t she magnificent? That there is a long-necked togmite… …one of the most beautiful creatures
this planet possesses. Very rare. -Get that for me, will you, Caruthers?
-Certainly, sir. Be my pleasure. You said it was rare. It is. And now it will be preserved forever
in the Society’s collection. -You shot it in cold blood.
-Had to. Vicious brute. It was him or us. [CREATURES SQUEALING] Wow. Oh. Shh. Come here. Come here. Come on. Oh, you’re so cute. Come on. You’re welcome. Very hostile environment out here,
young lady. There’s only one rule:
Kill or be killed. [GROANING] Great shot, sir! Think they was going to attack! -Pull back on the steam, Caruthers.
-Right you are, sir. This is a real turnout for the plus fours. A double-crested winky. This will be a real prize
for the collection. I think I’ll need
the Saboteur for this one, Caruthers. A wise choice, sir. Do you want the, uh,
flesh-dissolving round? Yes, I think that would be good
under the circumstances. Good Lord, woman,
what are you doing? I’ll take care of this, sir. This is a beautiful, innocent creature,
it deserves to live… …not to be slaughtered
and mounted in a box. BROADFORCE: That is a
dangerous animal, Miss Middlesworth. Step away! -Ma’am, if you wouldn’t mind….
-I do mind! This isn’t scientific study, this is
hunting for trophies, plain and simple! Sit up there indiscriminately shooting
everything that’s in range… …you don’t care about the effect
you’re having on this planet! -You, sir, are a boorish, ignorant coward!
-Ma’am! [SCREAMS] CARUTHERS:
It’s all right! Everything’s under control! [MILLICENT SCREAMING] [ROARING] You were magnificent! Well played, sir! Ha, ha! Thank you, Caruthers. Lord Broadforce, why didn’t it eat you? Eat me? [CHUCKLES] It wouldn’t dare! I’m British. CARUTHERS:
And he’d taste terrible. Ha, ha.

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